I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
