...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
