It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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