mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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