well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
