Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
