I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
