I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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