Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
