It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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