Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am one with the molecules
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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