Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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