I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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