Having a random hookup so left but love u
look no pants
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
