You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
