Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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