Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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