Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
