"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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