okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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