my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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