As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize