I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
