Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
