I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
