I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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