Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just want to make out with him forever
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
