Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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