apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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