Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
