I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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