time to smoke my breakfast
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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