You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
