oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
