also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
