mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found your dick twin last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize