I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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