So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
