I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
