The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
