I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
