New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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