My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
