Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
