You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
