fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize