I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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