you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
