it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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