If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
