What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he was CRYING into my vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
