he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
