I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
