i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize