I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
