Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
