he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ttyl tear gas
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
