It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
