last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize