I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
