the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
