Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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