My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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