You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
