i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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