next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
