I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
