Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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